Can you believe that it is already March? Soon enough we will begin to see the signs of spring; longer days, more sunshine and that glorious day when we move the clocks ahead one hour.
Ah but alas let’s review February and how those yearly goals are shaping up…or…shipping out.
My overall goal of building a more structured routine and resetting my internal clock is still on track. I’m abiding by my screen time rule, sleeping better, getting up earlier and overall adhering to the schedule. Did I have days that I cheated and jumped on the phone past curfew or rearranged the calendar because well I didn’t feel like doing it? YES. Yes, I most certainly did.
To be honest February proved to be challenging for me from a mental health standpoint. Those winter blues really got to me by mid-month. Suffering from seasonal depression put me inside my thoughts and made some days harder than others. There were days I didn’t want to get out of bed. There were days that I felt fat and self-conscious. There were days I didn’t want to leave the house if I didn’t have to.
And the worst part is that you look at your life and say…why? Why are you bummed out? You have a beautiful life, a loving husband, the sweetest fur baby and a lovely home full of love, laughter and warmth. That’s where the real struggle of depression lies, because you don’t know why all you know is you are.
So, as I tried to push through this temporary downward spiral I found myself in, I struggled to keep on track. The determination to accomplish what I set out to do is what kept me motivated. That conviction pushed me through the tougher days, and it helped me to expand on my monthly goal.
The healthy home challenge. All the doorknobs, drawer pulls, remote controls and light switches were sanitized. The tile behind the stove was bleached. The medicine cabinet was sorted through. The only thing that I did not do that has been pushed into March’s spring-cleaning challenge was to scrub the inside of the washer machines.
However, my healthy home challenge transitioned into a healthier me. In February I cut back on alcohol and carbs. Exercising has become an almost daily thing with one rest day per week. Calories are being counted. And the scale has actually moved down (albeit not as much or as quickly as I would like).
Now, I don’t know if making drastic changes to my diet contributed to that melancholy I was experiencing. I do know that without the nightly wine pour and all those heavy white foods; a clarity has overcome my day to day. I’m beginning to feel more energized and alert from the start of the day. And now that we have some warmer spring temperatures in our forecast a sense of spring fever has rejuvenated my spirits.
I wanted to share all of this with you to let you know that you are not the only one struggling. Many of us put on a brave face and smile big when inside we feel weak and small. The only thing that I can offer is that when I get really down, it is the little things that pick me up. My husband telling me he loves me and never leaving for work without a hug and a kiss. Lucy girl always so happy to see me when we wake up in the morning even though we slept only a few feet from each other. Those are the things that make me the happiest. Those are the things that keep me going.
Carolyn Jean Style 