Hello Stranger!
Sorry I’ve been absent for so long. 2024 proved to be unexpectedly challenging.
A few days after my last post my husband’s sister passed away. She was such a large presence in our lives that navigating the days, months and soon to be year without her has been difficult.
My focus was my family. My concern was making sure they were taken care of. My way of dealing with grief was to put it on pause and worry about them. And worry I did.
As time moved on, I soon realized that it was not the healthiest way to grieve. There needed to be an outlet for my feelings too. And when I didn’t allow it – eventually I shut down.
That was when I realized it wasn’t just me looking out for them. They too were there for me. A lucky girl with a family that had each other to lean on when it mattered the most.
The best example that warmed my heart and still brings a tear of joy to my eye even now as I write this came on my birthday.
My sister-in-law would call everyone on their special day to sing Happy Birthday to them. Well, I tried very much to put it out of my mind and focus on those around me.
Oh, but as I got ready for bed, I plugged my phone into the charger. There I found that the best gift of the day was waiting for me on my phone. Her son sent me a message of him singing her song! (I’m not crying your crying.)
Of course there are good days. And there are bad days. There is pain. And there is joy. There are memories that make us cry. And those that make us laugh.
But alas, as time heals our wounds my focus is still my family. My concern is still making sure they are taken care of. The focus and concern have changed though in the best way possible.
Because now it is about all of us.
Carolyn Jean Style 